January 31, 2024
Episode #235
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Does your day fill up with way too many activities? Do you lament that you are not accomplishing the really important tasks you desire to complete? If so, you are not alone. David and Karen Mains discuss the setting of priorities based on this key sentence: “Setting priorities is an important Christian discipline to practice—especially as one ages.”
Episode Transcript
David: How many people are listening to what we’re saying?
Karen: I don’t know how many are listening. But I know everyone has problem-setting priorities, because life interferes, interrupts. So, I think that this is an interesting conversation to a lot of people.
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David: This podcast we have chosen to talk about a word that’s not found in scripture. At least it’s not found in the New International Version of the Bible, the NIV. That’s the one we normally read.
Karen: However, truth be told, the concept we’ll discuss is one the Bible certainly addresses.
Intro: Welcome to the Before We Go Podcast featuring Dr. David Mains and his wife, noted author Karen Mains. Here’s David and Karen Mains.
David: What we want to talk about is setting priorities. Can you give an example, Karen, of a passage that speaks of setting priorities?
Karen: Not a passage that uses that word, but one that comes to mind immediately is Matthew 6:33, where Jesus says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” So, that’s certainly the priority for us.
David: It’s the context of don’t worry about what you’re going to eat, what you’re going to wear, and so on. Be concerned about the kingdom of God. Set the priorities right. Okay, what would be words that would be synonyms of priority, just if we try to define it ourselves?
Karen: Well, I think one of the things we might say is, what is it that should be taking precedence in our lives?
David: Okay, that’s a good one. I like it.
Karen: What is the most important thing that we should be doing or thinking about during these days?
David: Sometimes you have a sense of urgency that comes. This is what I have to get done.
Karen: And these are some things I have to get done, right?
David: I would like to say that this is something that we have been wrestling with. So, we’re going to share conversations that have gone on prior to us talking here on the podcast.
Karen: And a lot of it has to do with the stage of our life. We know that we have a limited future.
David: Unless you’re glad to live to 140.
Karen: Yeah, I don’t think so. And so, what do we need to do now to leave things behind for our kids that are not a mess. Or either certain people we need to be recreating dialogue with that fell off maybe in an unfortunate way earlier and we haven’t rectified. All those sorts of things. And I think the way you do this is you really say to the Lord, what things are important to you as we end our lives? And we’re in both in our 80s and we’re basically pretty healthy, I think. But you never know when that stroke is going to come. I’m prone to tripping and falling. I fell yesterday when you really hit your head and do damage to yourself.
David: So, we’re getting into these discussions. And it’s not the first time. But the discussions now are different than the discussions of maybe 15, 20 years ago. And let’s just take a little segment of this and let it be an illustration. We’re going to encourage people to get into setting priorities and say, this is what I’m feeling God says is important to me. Karen, say you have 10 more years.
Karen: 10 more good years.
David: Good years. That’s a fair statement.
Karen: I mean, there is mental decline, but we’re still capable of good thinking and planning.
David: You have written how many books?
Karen: 23.
David: That’s a good number.
Karen: The making of books, there is no end.
David: Okay. I’ve said to you, how many more books do you have because you have this lament that says, I’m not getting to my writing.
Karen: Right.
David: I’m asking you now, what would you say between now and 10 years from now? How many books do you need to finish?
Karen: Well, I have three. The one that’s right on the top of the pile, the top of my mind that I’ve done the most work on is on listening groups. I feel really strongly about it because in our age with this high incidence of loneliness in our culture and suicide in our culture, often because of being lonely, particularly among older men. I think listening groups is an extraordinary gift.
David: How much work percentage wise to getting the book done before you start?
Karen: It’ll probably be a month for me to pull all the pieces together. They have to be put into a manuscript format. We have an editor, I think, who can do that for me. And what a listening group is, is just three or four people. They meet together weekly or monthly, however frequently they want for two to three hours, and you go into silence. And then as the guardian of the listening group architecture would say who’s ready to share. That person would talk maybe for 10 minutes, for 15 minutes.
David: And what does that person talk about?
Karen: About where their life is at that moment.
David: Okay, so it’s not just casual?
Karen: No, it’s not.
David: Have they thought about it ahead of time?
Karen: Yeah, very often as they’re driving to the group and then we go into silence and then the guardian will say, okay, you can respond. But the only way the rest of the group, the other three people or four people can respond is by asking questions.
David: Okay.
Karen: So, they would ask questions and then that person would begin to discover even more about what they had been trying to share. And it was very profound, the sorts of things that happened.
David: Because people are listening intently.
Karen: Because they are listening intently.
David: Okay, so how long does one person take?
Karen: Well, they’ll take 10 minutes, 15 minutes.
David: How effective are these groups?
Karen: They’re extraordinary.
David: That book, I got what you’re saying is that that’s very important to you, that you put into book form the value of these and the simplicity of how they’re carried out and so on.
Karen: Yeah.
David: I want to know what the second book is that you want to write yet.
Karen: Okay, the second book is a book I want to write about our son Jeremy who died 10 years ago exactly.
David: 10 years back, yes.
Karen: He was 42. Yes. Jeremy was an extraordinary artist. But he had decided that the world had enough artists, but the world didn’t have enough people to take care of one another. And he was an immigration specialist.
So, with all of this talk of the border difficulty we’re having here in the States and having talked with Jeremy enough and actually attended citizenship classes.
David: Oh yeah, it was deeply involved.
Karen: It was so moving. That’s the book I want to write.
David: You have a title for it?
Karen: Lessons in Love Learned from a Dying Son and then go into his life but then mix into it the immigration thing. No one understands what comprehensive immigration reform is. We desperately need it. So, to get into some of those topics, but because I’ve learned it from Jeremy.
David: Okay.
Karen: The others are novel. That’s all I’ll say about it.
David: Okay. Are they prioritized in your mind?
Karen: Yeah, that listening book is the most important one and then I really do want to do the one that honors Jeremy’s calling.
David: So, you have set a priority, but you have been frustrated not being able to make much progress.
Karen: Right.
David: So, I say to you, what can I do to help? And you say, just stay out of this.
Karen: Leave me alone.
David: No, part of it is I am understanding that there are a lot of things that keep you busy that are simply a part of life for you. Fixing meals, talking about keeping the house going.
Karen: What I need to do, this is my way of solving that delimna, after my quiet time on my prayer time, the first five hours of every day should be given to writing.
David: So, when you’re talking about time, why? You should talk about 8:30 in the morning and…
Karen: 7 in the morning.
David: 7 in the morning.
Karen: I’m an early riser. So, let’s say 6 o’clock, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 11 or 12. If I could do that, I would make headway with all of these projects.
David: And what keeps you from doing that?
Karen: It’s just the demands of the day. I get lost up in what I need to do.
David: And you giving those priorities because otherwise the laundry stacks up?
Karen: Whatever. But I just need you to hold me accountable to that.
David: I think sometimes it’s easier to do the laundry or worry about meals, get the groceries and not hear statements like, “I’m happy to go to the grocery, give me the list.”
Karen: You know you’ve been trying to do that more and more and I appreciate it. But I need you to just say, “Have you done your five hours of writing this morning?”
David: Oh, I say it. Yeah, I say it and you say no, “I’m still trying to fix my study…”
Karen: Oh, the study was a mess. Yeah. So, I’m trying to organize.
David: How long has this been going on?
Karen: This last week?
David: Oh, you mean the good side of I’m going to get this done now.
Karen: Yeah, I yeah, I’ve really got I made headway I’m probably an hour away from having the study organized so I can really write it just concentrate on writing in this study.
David: If you could get one of those books done, that would be very satisfying.
Karen: Yeah. That would be satisfying.
David: I think that everything got thrown off during the…
Karen: Covid sickness. Well, we were really you and I and Joel our son who lives with us. We had two or three rounds of COVID. There was longhaul COVID. There was the first incidence of COVID. We had shots and came down with it again. So yeah, I would say the COVID years really threw me so…
David: Okay, are we going to make it and you think those books will get published at least one of them?
Karen: Yes, I think the listening book is close and particularly if you just hound me on it make me mad.
David: You don’t know what a difficult role that is. You know, and the same thing is true for me. I’ve said in these latter years, “I’m not workaholic anymore. I take time whenever and I plan it outside times.” But I am at a place where I’m saying, “If ever I become the man of prayer,” it’s not that I didn’t pray but learns really a close communion with the Lord. “This is the time I must” because I don’t have that many more years yet. You’re 81. I’m 87 I find that it takes incredible discipline and sometimes even overlooking wanting to help you.
Karen: Yeah, right.
David: It just everything gets in the way.
Karen: Yeah.
David: It’s very hard. And I think when Jesus said, “…seek first the kingdom Then all these things,” the clothes the food all this other it’ll take care of itself.
Karen: Yeah.
David: Because God will see to it that… But it’s hard.
Karen: Yeah.
David: It’s very, very hard for people to do you want me to put it all into a sentence. Okay, this is what I tried to encapsulate truth in these words.
Setting priorities is an important Christian discipline to practice especially as one ages. Setting priorities is an important Christian discipline to practice especially as one ages.
Why is that in there? Well, it’s because age is a fact of life.
Karen: Fact of our lives.
David: Everybody says when they get to our age as it all went so fast.
Karen: Yes.
David: It all went so fast. You know what it goes the same rate for all of us. And the question is: What are the priorities that people said. “God help me set the priorities that are important in terms of this life.” Now, what is God saying to me? He’s saying to me, “David, Karen’s books have had incredible ministry They’ve sold so many copies.”
Karen: In the millions. Yeah.
David: Okay now. How do I help her feel that what you have placed on her heart is going to be accomplished as her soulmate, as her husband. And it’s not just that I can think about it one day and then that’s taking care of that I can check it off my list. I have to check it off my list every day almost to say, “Okay, how do I become for her the helper?” And you have to do that for me? You’re better doing for me than I’m doing it for you.
Karen: I don’t know that. I think if you would just ask later on in the day, “Did you get your five hours in this…?”
David: You guys you’re doing laundry and I ask you that makes you mad. So, I have to ask it at the right time those early hours when you feel holy.
Karen: Okay, we’ll work it out with each other.
David: Do you think that the hound of heaven is any more gracious? Or do you think that he is a nagger? He says come on get to this.
Karen: It’s the hound that…
David: I heard your prayers and you’re not cooperating with me. So, I’m going to send your husband.
Karen: That’s great.
David: How many people are listening to what we’re saying?
Karen: I don’t know how many are listening. But I know everyone has problem-setting priorities, because life interferes, interrupts. So, I think that this is an interesting conversation to a lot of people.
David: With all the advantages to being in this country. It’s so much. It should be we could be able to resolve these matters. If say we’ve been born in an African country where …
Karen: You’re scrapping for…
David: To get your water.
Karen: Yeah, to walk from miles for water, hours for water sometimes. Yeah.
David: We’re in a position where we’re most fortunate, but it’s unique. Everybody has their problems that keeps them from being the person God would want them to be. Which would be the person that knows great joy in life? So anyway, okay, do you think that we’ve started any fistfights?
Karen: Well, we haven’t gotten to that point ourselves, so I doubt it.
David: Do you think that the scripture has other passages that say the same thing?
Karen: Yeah, there’s quite a few of them.
David: Yeah, yeah, we could go through that.
Karen: Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these other things will be added to you.
David: Even if we do that Karen, I’m thinking in terms of church. We recently met with one of the pastors at the church and he was asking, “Now, you’re new here and you’re enjoying it. What do you have to contribute to the church?
Karen: He was lovely, wasn’t it?
David: Well, it was asking a very gracious way, but we said, “You know, this is not a time we can do it. We’re in a position where we’re trying to cut back involvements because of priorities.” And then as we kind of explained to him, he took it all in and he has not a problem at all. He just told us to go to a different church.
Karen: That is ridiculous.
David: He just said that. There are all kinds of people who can be resources for us. And I have a feeling that when it was done, because he said, we should get together again. I really enjoyed the time together that he probably is praying for us.
Karen: Yeah, I believe that.
David: It’s a sense. Let me get that sentence one more time and I think we’ll call it a wrap, okay?
Setting priorities is an important Christian discipline to practice especially as one ages. Dean, do you ever talk to Shirley about these matters?
Dean: Yes, David. I do we’re in the same dilemma you and Karen are trying to figure out how to set priorities. I think is a problem everyone goes through.
David: And your wife is very busy. I mean she works at the hospital as a volunteer and gotten awards for that. And you’re very busy Dean. I know that, so okay go ahead.
Dean: You mentioned the hound of heaven, we have to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. But he also expects us to use the intelligence He’s given us to take a hold of our day and use the time that he’s given us. However, limited it may be at our advanced ages to the best of our ability to serve Christ and his kingdom and to glorify God. So, I think you and Karen are on the right track.
David: Thank you.
Outro: You’ve been listening to the Before We Go podcast. And if you would like to write to us, please send us an email at the following address, hosts@beforewego.show. That’s all-lower-case letters. hosts@beforewego.show.
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