Karen:     Are you good at complimenting people?

David:     I think I probably am. That’s not the same though, it’s saying thank you, is it?

Karen:     Saying, “Oh my goodness, I’ve always wanted one of these things. Thank you, thank you.” No, they’re not the same.

David:     That’s different from saying something like, “You’re always so thoughtful in your gift giving. Someday, I hope I can be as good as you are in that regard.”

Karen:     Is it hard to distinguish between these two? We’re going to talk about that today and see if we can help you see what the difference is.

Intro:      Welcome to the Before We Go Podcast featuring Dr. David Mains and his wife, noted author Karen Mains. Here’s David and Karen Mains.

David:     I believe a lot of people mix up what it means to compliment someone with saying, “Thank you very, very much.”

Karen:     Now, we need to say thank you. We’re not saying that people shouldn’t say thank you. But there’s another aspect to this that we’re focusing on.

Thank you very much. That’s expressing gratitude for what you have been given or for a favor someone has granted to you. Whereas a compliment focuses on what is good or appreciated about the nature or the capacities of a given person.

David:     Okay, the difference is kind of this way. If you’ve just finished a meal, okay, and you’re very satisfied saying, “Wow, I am stuffed and happy, thank you for that great meal.” That’s one thing. And this is the worship part of it, the giving worth part of it. “You’re an incredible cook. How do you always turn simple ingredients like this into terrific feasts?”

Karen:     So, in the spiritual world, there’s a difference between saying to God, thank you, or saying that you need to do that. But we want people to distinguish the difference between saying to God, thank you, and then paying him a compliment.

David:     Okay, and there is a distinction there. We’re making that very clear. And a paying a compliment to someone is like attributing worth to them or we’re getting close to this word worship now.

Karen:     Ok.

David:     And we have found from our experience in life in church. Churches are relatively good, especially in the music, of attributing worth to God. But they’re kind of limited in terms of the things they say. And they’re kind of Bible terms, like they’re good at saying through music or through the pastoral prayer. God is holy, you know. You can name these, God is eternal, God’s omnipotent.

Karen:     They’re the attributes of God that we’ve been theologically taught about. And that’s wonderful. We’re not saying that you shouldn’t do that. You should.

David:     Yeah, that God is love, you know. That God is spirit. That he’s all powerful.

Karen:     Never changing, omniscient.

David:     He’s creator. Yeah, there are about a dozen of these that are repeated over and over again in our hymnology and a lot of times in our praying. But we’d like to go beyond that and say, let’s think about it in new terms. Paying God a compliment, saying this is what I really like about him.

For example, you can say God is creator. But go just a step further and say, “God, I praise you that you are creative.”

Karen:     Infinitely so.

David:     Infinitely so. It just gives a new twist on it. I’d like to be able to say, “Okay, what are some of these subtleties that we can say and not insult God?” For example, I think that I’ve said many times, “God, you have an incredible sense of humor.”

Karen:     I just did that myself, but it was more of a phrase this way. I made some silly mistakes, and I looked up to the heavens and said, “I’m glad that you’re laughing.”

David:     Yeah, okay, perfect.

Karen:     I’m glad I bring you such joy with the silly things I do here. Done on earth.

David:     I’ve praised God numbers of times that he’s personal, that he knows things about me that most people don’t know. I mean, how many people know what our middle names are? And God keeps all that straight. He says, “Yeah, Randall, I know.” And it’s just kind of neat. Let’s talk about some more of those.

Karen:     Okay. Well, one I love is your connections are so amazing. We’ve moved through the world in a variety of formats and fashions, and you meet someone, and you think, “Oh, I would never have met this person had I not been at this place at this time.” And they’re very valuable, either in something they teach you, or something they say you need to look at this, or some information that they have that you have no way of achieving or getting on your own. And yet God has put that connection together often with an amazing sense of timing as well.

David:     I think that I’m seeing that work out in my life right at the present. One of the things that has great meaning to me is to say to God as you go through a difficult time, “I really like it God that you know what it means to suffer. That’s not foreign to you. You aren’t above all of that. But in fact, infinitely more. What I’m going through is nothing compared to the heartbreak that you carry with you all the time. But that has great meaning to me.”

Karen:     “Your timing is amazing.” This is when I get into a frequently because I’m an avid gardener. I’m out in the yard and the garden as much as I can be. “You created a wonderful world for mankind.” In fact, I often think that gardening is an act of praise and worship. For me it is.

David:     Well for you, yeah.

Karen:     But you know from the finite to the little bugs, to the birds.

David:     The bugs that drive me nuts.

Karen:     Birds in the trees, to the cat going across the lawn. Aren’t we have a cat and the beautiful way that cat moves. All of this, his creative world is just for me a place of exultation.

David:     Yeah. Well, making this a part of your regular prayer routine is important. What do you say? God, I just want to stop for a moment and pay you a couple of compliments that are part of my life. I have this old sheet of paper, Karen, and you look at this and that’s pretty well beaten.

Karen:     Okay. And I want to cue our listener. I have never seen this piece of paper before. And we’ve been married for 60 years, and I didn’t even know existed. You pulled it out of your right-hand top drawer. I think it started to go down.

David:     I thought it was there. I had to look for a little while. Because I quit doing this.

Karen:     Okay. Now this is just a remarkable list. So, I’m going to let you just go ahead and talk about it because I think it is a valuable tool for other people to copy in their own way. So go ahead. Tell us what it is and what you’ve done.

David:     Well, I used to, when I would pay God a compliment or a tribute worth to him, I would write it down. Just little phrases that I could record just to see my own growth as far as my understanding of God. And then I quit doing it.

Karen:     You fill two pages. You feel the front and the back.

David:     Seven or 80 things that are in here. “I praise you God that you are one who knows the value of rest.” I think that’s neat.

Karen:     Oh, that’s wonderful.

David:     “I praise you God as the sleep giver.” You need that.

Karen:     Yeah, I need to do that.

David:     “I praise you God that you are multilingual.”

Karen:     Oh honey, that’s beautiful.

David:     Yeah, that is.

Karen:     Multilingual.

David:     Yeah, and I need to, you know, someone who knows maybe three languages, that’s one thing. Some people know five, six languages. That’s amazing. Think of the languages that God knows.

“That you are my wise personal coach. That you are God of your word. When you say something, I just need to say that’s right. I’m not going to question that at all.”

“That you are a promise keeper.” That’s a phrase that the whole country was talking about for a while.

“That you’re always available.” You get on the phone, and you call someone that you need to track this down and they’ll say, “Your call is important to us. We’re in an exceptional time of busyness right now, but don’t hang up.”

Karen:     “Someone will be right with you.”

David:     “Just keep waiting.”

Karen:     Music in the background.

David:     And waiting. “You are always available God.” I think that’s a wonderful thing about you. “You’re full of surprises.”

Karen:     Oh, lovely.

David:     I’m going through one of those. Well, this is a surprise time in my life. I kind of like those times as well. “You’re my day planner. You’re my peacemaker. You’re perfectly balanced. You’re the wind in my sails.” I would think I was listening to music. Well God, you’re the wind in my sails, you know.

Anyway, getting tired of them, I don’t know. “You’re my true friend. You’re my puzzle solver. You’re not dysfunctional.”

Karen:     Oh, that’s interesting.

David:     There are many of them. “You’re unshockable”. I think that’s important to know that God is unshockable and to say to him, that’s pretty neat.

“That you are all powerful with no powerhouse.”

Karen:     David, that’s wonderful.

David:     Anyway, I’ll stop doing these, but I think it’s very helpful and I think it’s an aspect of worship. There’s no question about it. What I’m saying to people is, make this a part of your prayer. And think of it as paying God a compliment.

Karen:     Yes.

David:     That’s because that’s a very valuable thing to do. So, if I put it into a sentence, think of worship as paying God a compliment or paying in many compliments, you know. So, what are we saying to people who are suggesting that they what?

Karen:     That they distinguish between saying, “Thank you to God,” which we should be doing all the time. I have prayer journals and I always start with that. What are the things I need to thank you for since the last time probably yesterday that I worked in my prayer journal? It’s nuanced. It takes it into another way of relating to God by paying him compliments saying, “This is what I know about who you are, and I want to tell you that I really appreciate that quality about you.” And I think that when we do this with humans, when we say, “Let me tell you a minute, something I’ve noticed about you. You are so attentive when other people listen to you. And this is so unlike many folks because they’re thinking about what they’re going to say to you in their own minds. But it feels as though you give them your total attention and that makes a difference in the way they felt heard and understood.” So that would be a compliment that I would give to someone. That’s different than “thank you for listening to that person,” which is good. But this is probably much more specific and more relational.

David:     I said this to God the other day. “It’s great being friends with someone so important.” I think a lot of what life is, you feel like a very small little bump that comes along and not that big a deal. But then sometimes you meet someone and it’s kind of like you say, “You know who I was talking to the other day? Or do you know who my friend is?” That’s how I feel in regard to God. Being friends with someone as important as you are God, is like the ant riding the elephant over the bridge. Or wouldn’t both get the other side the ant says, “Didn’t we make that bridge rumble?” You don’t know who I know. I think I’ve said to God, “Your timing is amazing. It’s absolutely amazing.” I’m feeling that way. You know, I’m 86. And then God did something for me the other day. I thought, “Oh my golly.”

Karen:     Let me rephrase that. You are 86. And I’ve seen you sort of closing down or maybe saying that my usefulness is done not lamenting it as much, but sort of acting that out in your life. And then something came along where your gifts were being appreciated and even called on.

David:     Yeah, it was unusual and very pleasurable to me.

Karen:     It’s a long-term relationship, not just a casual of this moment relationship. And all of a sudden, you’re revitalized and vigorated. And so, that’s really what that’s all about.

David:     I’ve been using one that I stole from our pastor the other day. He was talking about the importance of evangelism and how sometimes we make that unimportant in our lives. And it kind of ticked me a little bit because he said, “Most Christians have many, many Christian friends. And after a period of time, they have almost no non-Christian friends.”

Karen:     Whoops.

David:     Yeah, I thought, okay, quit meddling here. So, but then I began to say, “Okay, I’ll listen to what he’s saying.” He made this comment. He said, “You have to understand that God will nudge you. And when he nudges you, be responsive to that because he’s been doing the heavy lifting all along. You haven’t started from scratch with that person. A heavy lifter is a,” that’s a meaningful thing to me. When you get older, I can’t carry boxes from the basement up to the car nearly like I used to.

Karen:     These are boxes of books. They’re heavy.

David:     Yeah. But if you get a guy who says, I can take those up with you. I’m struggling with one that’s about 20 pounds. He’s got 60 pounds. He’s running up the stairs up and down. Well, heavy lifters are great people. You know, I think they’re beefy people. They’re strong and to be able to say, because it’s the phrase the pastor used, he said, “Just know that God is doing the heavy lifting.”

Karen:     In evangelism.

David:     Yeah. He’s prepared these people ahead of time. It’s not up to you to say the right thing at the right time. And all that just, you just have to assume that God is the heavy lifter. And I thought, “That is really good.”

So, I’ve been saying this quite often in my prayers, “God, I’m not passing the buck here, but you have to understand that I’m figuring you’re the heavy lifter here.” So, I was going to see somebody the other day and invite them for a meal. And when I went in, the person wasn’t there. And I was kind of thinking, “Okay, how do I approach this?” Because it’s awkward. But then I said, well, that’s okay.

Not the right time. So, you’re the heavy lifter. But you pick up these different phrases all along. And it gives you a new sense of vitality. Because you’re expressing it in a way that you’re not used to. And you think, God, I think that that resonates with you.

Karen:     It would be spiritual vitality. You know, just an energizing that happens because you realize you are working in tandem with this very important being.

David:     Okay, let’s make sure we’re saying to people what we want them to hear. I’m not saying to people, get a list and start writing down all these clever things that you’re saying about God. That’s immaterial.

Karen:     It can be very helpful to people, depending on their temperament and initiative.

David:     I always pray with a pencil, Karen, and a piece of paper. But most people don’t. I just find it’s helpful for me because there are going to be interruptions all the time. And that keeps me focused. I know after the phone call is over, this is where I was talking, God, and I’ll pick it up again. If you don’t pray with a pencil, that doesn’t matter to me.

And if you don’t have a piece of paper that has, this is what I’m finding out about God, that doesn’t mean anything to me. What are we saying to people?

Karen:     Well, we’re saying to people, think about the difference between giving thanks to God and paying him a compliment. You need to do both. But we’re much better, I think, at thanking God, even though we can neglect that. But to pay him a compliment takes some more thinking and originality and consideration. And it involves you more in understanding then as you pay God that compliment, what his nature is, how evolving it is in our understanding and how expansive he is as a supreme being. So, it’s a spiritual methodology that will increase your concept of who God is. And we found it to be very, very helpful in our lives.

David:     Yeah. And not only invigorating, but delightful, because there’s a closeness that begins to develop between yourself and the Lord, which is very important.

Karen:     So, if you try it, dear listener, let us know about it. We’d love to hear what you discover too.

David:     Begin to think of worship as paying God a compliment.

Outro:     You’ve been listening to the Before We Go podcast. And if you would like to write to us, please send us an email at the following address, hosts@beforewego.show. That’s all-lower-case letters. hosts@beforewego.show.

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